Another gem: "who shot john"

"who shot john" defined:
(idiom) A long and involved explanation; or, a thing of which an explanation would be long and involved.

My old boyfriend's mom used to say this, and she's the only person I've heard use it. But it has a definition and other people DO say it. Now you will want to adopt it, GUAR-AN-TEED!! Seriously, try it ... you'll love it.

Borrowing Trouble

"borrow trouble" defined:
Fig. to worry needlessly; to make trouble for oneself.

This is such a great expression - I don't hear it much but I use it a lot.
Life is hard enough, right?

If you could ever love anyone more...

but I could not: Rome, the star of "Chestnut Pudding" by the 1/2 classroom at Polytechnic Elementary.

Advance Planning Halloween 2010

Halloween 2009, not bad for home-made.

Halloween 2010 -- If I start NOW can I put this together? And where would I wear it... not outside, obviously...She looks like a cross between a Chihuly chandelier and Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman.
And yes I KNOW her legs are as long as my whole body...
I'm just looking for help from the crafty people out there. Heh.

If only I'd found this sooner . . .

I got a sample of this at Sephora and it is awesome!

Smells good, feels good on your skin...and the name: unconditional love. Perfect! I wish I'd known years ago you could just go ahead and buy that!

Wow, thanks philosophy!

Time to Evaluate the Products

Six -- SIX lip products in the zipper pocket of my not-very-roomy purse. Is there a support group for this?! PS may I add that the NARS lip pencil is creamy smooth and perfect. Sadly, the color Tortola (far R) is discontinued.

YES! I am NOT alone . . .

Now there's a product that echoes my many happy nights at Chevy's in Mesa: Queso Cheese Dip. Except I called it Cheese Queso. Anyway, from the Fearless Flyer: "Queso Cheese – redundant? No. Emphatic! This is a seriously cheesy dip. Made for us by one the most awarded and highly regarded chefs in the country (wouldn’t you like to know?), Trader Joe’s Queso Cheese Dip boast rich cheesy flavor accented by a garlic chipotle salsa. Dynamically delicious, it’s perfect for dipping bread, making nachos, topping burritos – or pretty much anywhere a queso kick is called for. Could cheesy goodness get more appealing? Why, yes. Each 11.5 oz. jar is $2.49."

If only Aaron or Steve could stop by and make me a top shelf in a frosty mug...

Schnepf Farms for the First Time

I don't think I actively avoided this place, but I also never made it a point to go. It was fun and local and memorable. I am SOOOOO glad I went with Lane's preschool field trip because, even with a ratio of 20 parents to 30 kids and Miss Stacey's awesome organizational skills, I just think it was a big big place for a 30 pound 3 year old. Here's us on the Bee Ride, powered by the sun (I think).

Not even remotely appealing...

Hello, fashion people, are you comatose?!?! The 70's cowl neck meets a blazer from my junior high closet, Farah's hair, and boyfriend jeans circa late 80's. Add in the season's hottest high heeled booties and you have, uh, a mess?!? No, let's say disaster.

When an outfit looks this bad on the model, how is LOFT going to stay in business?!?!

4 Star Day!

Gemini: Your successful presence, winning personality and positive attitude might annoy some people. Keep up the good vibes and you'll be noticed and promoted.

Wow -- and they say these things are too general . . .

The Recession is OVER!

When Ben Bernanke starts testifying with all his blah blah spreadsheets and pie charts and MBA mumbo jumbo, we can all think yeah maybe the economy is turning around, but here's how I know the good times are comin' back: Sephora is selling a MAKEUP AIRBRUSH for $225. Why do I need that? I don't know, but if the economy was bad, I sure wouldn't. I would make do with that little spongey thing, or uh -- my finger tip?!?! Since things are so good again, I can invest half a car payment in something to make my skin (hopefully) look flawless. I think. So -- crank up the tunes kids, bust out the Visa, and start spending again.

Who buys this?

I have banned cartoon and movie character bedding from the kids' rooms. And, in the interest of fairness, my own room as well (I believe in living by example). It's too crass and commercial! Of course, Rome asked for Bakugan or Pokemon bedding. Ewwww! But clearly, there is worse ... much worse: WWE bedding -- seriously? Why is there so much bad taste in this world??? Then, the display picture is taken in an absurdly neutral model bedroom setup with all white walls, nightstand, and pine-tone hardwood floors. Words fail me. I have to stop now.

Worst Snack EVER!

Ok, cheese on cheese -- all, actually pretty much cheese free!! Guess who loves it? Mac n cheese girl Lane! Is anyone else concerned that Easy Cheese never needs refrigeration? But it is so fun to squoosh it out on the crackers. A wonderful, horrible, snack.

First Movie and Best Footwear

Is your mom so mean and unfun that she never took you to a real movie in the theatre until you were THREE YEARS OLD?!?! Did you love the popcorn, ask to go home during the scary parts, and visit the bathroom about 5 times in 2 hours? Did you wear your best and coolest golden shoes for this auspicious outing? Did you cry when it was time to leave Chandler Fashion Mall and fall asleep on the way home? ME TOO!!!
-Guest Blogger Laney Ry
PS The movie was Ponyo. It was strange.

Best Business Name of the Year

Self-serve frozen yogurt: I like the concept -- but . . . the word "swirl" brings back stories from junior high and heads in toilets. Also, is it me, but what does the "W" look like? Wonder who was in their focus group?!? Sheesh. People should ask me. They have a flavor called EuroTart. I can't even begin to think what that must taste like. And 12 flavors with 4 variations on vanilla! Clearly, groundbreaking. You can vote online for your favorite flavor: www.swirlitfroyo.com

Nevermind. I think the kids will love it and I'm going to check it out once they open.

Fit Flops Flop

I was curious about the claims of the flipflops that supposedly give you a workout while you're just walking around. They cost $50 to $60 -- which seems like a lot for a shoe -- I mean, that's like 2 months of gym membership.

Curiously, the people I see wearing them out-n-about probably need to do a lot more than walk around in special shoes. The online review I read said the premise is like a tiny BOSU ball in your shoe. The same review said they aren't that effective. More specifically: "Perhaps, when used in conjunction with more high-impact workouts, like walking up a trail or doing some stepping, they may have an impact. But, if you'd like to do nothing but wear the shoes to tone your legs, it ain't gonna cut it." I say spend the same amount on a decent pair of Nikes and walk an extra 30 minutes a day.

Annual August Photos Available Now

I realized last week that the white shirts n jeans theme has become annual for summer pics. I'm not going to fight tradition! Plus, it's waaaaay easier than Xmas matching with two different gender kids!

Bonus few of Laney with the 'tude - "I'm 3 -- any questions?":

It's Not Your Closet -- It's Your Belongings . . .

(NOT my closet, of course...)
I just realized something looking at the ads and websites for closet organizers and cabinet installers. The reason these pictures look so great is the imaginary owner of the closet only has 6 black t-shirts, 5 black coats (I think they're coats), 5 white dress shirts, and all the hangers are equidistant. Also, there are only black shoes and purses. Now I get it -- the reason my closet doesn't look organized is that I have all different kinds and colors of clothes! My shoes are different colors and heel heights! My hangers don't match! I don't own 5 of the same garment! Wow. Mind blowing.

So, epiphany:
Reality -- it's making my closet look messy. Wow, I wonder where I can apply this concept in the rest of my life . . . hmmmmmmmm.

Happy 3rd to the Girl!

Craft time, cake time, present time, and . . . happy girls! Just a few hours later, we got the dreaded text: the guest on the far left (below) is home barfing . . . do we know how to throw a party or what? Hope the other kids don't get Round 2 of the puke bug.

It's No Coincidence . . .

that one-third, yes 6 of 18 competitors pictured in the Arizona Republic story about last Saturday's Earp-Holliday Mustache and Beard Contest are from Apache Junction.




I work in AJ and it's nice and calm and has great Superstition Mountain views. When I moved to Arizona in 1991 AJ didn't even have curbside trash pickup -- the folk had to drive their refuse to central dumpsters. Though they do have the curbside bins now, this town still has CHARACTER! Sadly, the winner of the contest (two years running) is from Mesa . . . right next door. Hmmm . . . not a single entrant from Scottsdale is mentioned in the story though.

In closing, may I say "I'm your huckleberry . . . "

Just spotted in AJ: bumpersticker reading "Work Less - Hunt and Fish More"
Hmmmmmmm.

$63 for THAT?!?!? (a tale of two swimsuits)

Those of you who know me well already know that I'm a total bargain hunter, most of the time. Ok, 95% of the time. Maybe because I used to live on about $900 a month as a grad student teaching English 101 at ASU, but that's another story.

This story is about 16 inches of synthetic fabric. I have been looking at the above swimsuit for two years and waiting for Venus.com to put it on sale. I just refuse to pay $53 (their alleged "sale" price) for 16 inches of fabric. Not to mention the Highway Robbery shipping and handling of $9.95 for goods that probably weigh less than a can of soda. Now, I will concede that the price of this fetching garment has inched down about $10 since 2008, but COME ON!!! Hello! Old Navy clearanced their stuff for $5 per piece with two months of swim season left! So I got an essentially equivalent resource for $10 that day. Still, the Venus design haunts me.

Somewhere in the dark recesses of my MBA memory, I'm pretty sure there was something about minimizing inventory time for greater ROI. If these have been sitting on the shelf since 2007, there has to be some depreciation, riiiiiiiiight? OR maybe Venus swimwear doesn't have financial accountants on staff?! Maybe I'm overthinking this . . .

Also, I'm not kidding myself, it's not going to look quite like that on me, since I haven't had a tan since 1987, but compared to their poor man's Rebecca Romijn (yes that IS how it's spelled), I'll take my chances -- if the price ever approaches reasonable. Like about $30 for the whole thing and $4.95 s&h. Then: it's ON!

WAHM (Work At Home Mom) - WAJ (what a joke)

This photo with the Good Work-At-Home job "story" on yahoo! should totally be illegal. That kid on the right is happily engaged in some activity that allows her mom to work on a computer and possibly, actually take professional business phone calls without crying, fighting, and kid noise in the background. Moms out there, let me hear you say, "What a joke!" It's particularly ironic to see "mom" smiling with her fingers in the proper ASDF HJKL position we were supposed to have learned in typing class. WHATEV! Also, the kid is neatly dressed, not smeared in breakfast foods, and her hair is done . . .

If your house or children are anything like mine, you would KNOW this is impossible without the intervention of prescription medication(s). At my house, if I donned my headset, this is just a sampling of what would ensue:

Son: MOM, can I get on legodotcom? (he actually says "dot")
Daughter: Can I watch Dora, just a tiny bit? (she holds her fingers up by her cheek to show how tiny a bit she is requesting, then starts trying to shove me off my computer chair)
Mom: Kids, I'm trying to work, can you two play Candyland? (yeah, right...)
Son: No we want to play Sorry.
Mom: Great let me get it down from the highest shelf of my closet where I hid it because you were fighting over it last time.
Daughter: Hoooray!
Once the game is out, the kids immediately start squabbling over how to play, who gets what color, the deck, who lost the 4th red piece. The usual.
Mom (under breath): Who's sorry now?!?!?
Mom breaks out the ibuprofen (ok, so OTC medications are a good start...).

Meanwhile, Mom has missed like 4 calls from the call center and lost her perfect ASDF HJKL hand position on the keyboard. You get the picture. Someone should outlaw the yahoo! picture...

Self Service!!

From downstairs . . . "Mom! Laney's in the pantry! She's in the food!" What's the big deal, I'm thinking. Go downstairs and investigate, she's gotten her own spoon -- literally, the drawer is still open. She's pushed a chair over there, and is still enjoying some tasty peanut butter and raisins. All right! Almost 3 and making her own meals! Not only that, but only one spoon dirtied! Yes!! My work here is done . . .

Jet Lag Math

I'm sorry . . . how long IS that? After 17 hours of flying and layovers, it's a good thing I didn't have a vehicle to park in this lot because it took me a painfully long time to make sense of this NZ mall area time limit. Do YOU shop in minutes?
A quick stop at the McDonald's fountain helped my brain start working again . . . mmmm Diet Coke(R), the international drink of choice . . .

Falls and Falling

We had many opportunities to look at waterfalls in the Australian tablelands. In the rain, and on a plain, in a bus, not from a train. Below: Barron Falls, Millaa Millaa Falls, Zillie Falls (I'm pretty sure that's right), and the "no duh" sign at the Zillie outlook. Two weeks earlier there was about twice that much water going over Barron. At Millaa Millaa, the rain was pouring buckets. There were people on the "falls circuit" who just wouldn't get out of the picture -- maybe the shirtless guy, still following me from Kaikoura?!?! At least tuneless girl and her guitar didn't show up as well...

NZ Kaikoura - A Weird Bus Stop

That's the ocean view from a town where our bus stopped for a lunch break -- Kaikura, South Island, NZ. We had ice cream (yum!) and got bread, cheese, and fruit to snack on. And batteries for mom's camera. It was eating batteries like nobody's business!

The two weird things were this random shirtless dude who insinuated himself into BOTH of my photos (far right) and a tuneless girl attempting to play her guitar for money, but she didn't know any songs, and seemed to be practicing a random and very limited assortment of chords, so, who would give money for that?!?! Maybe for her to stop? Anyway, before long, it was time to get on the bus and be gone so we did. No performance ever commenced from tuneless girl ... but it's noteworthy that they do whale and swim with dolphins kinds of tours from Kaikoura -- it looked nice. I'd go back.