Princess Party? I Couldn't, I'm Stuffed!!!

Which of these stores is not like the other???  On the right: Paisley's Princess Palace: Hair - Nails - Makeup - Parties Just for Girls.  I just wonder how a little girl's birthday goes next to...a store called Taxidermy (phone number).  Really??? People who stuff dead animals in lifelike poses...Is that the most creative name they can imagine? These are people who pose the bear!!!  Remember?

 

So, gentlemen, may I suggest a great name like "Taxidermagic"??? Come on. The cost to repaint that sign would be negligible next to the image enhancement.  Ahhhh yeah.

Finally, just take a moment to appreciate the front vanity plate on the truck out front.  Like AJ meets savasana.  Really, all of this defies interpretation. So I will let it be.

ASU Surplus Store - Very Nice

ASU Surplus is just east of the 101 on Rio Salado Drive and it's basically an ongoing garage sale of random stuff. They also post on craigslist from time to time, which is how I got Roman's very solid wood desk and bunk beds for about $100. From Irish Hall no less (Honors Dorm, so maybe some smart college mojo will rub off on him?!?!). And a low 3 drawer dresser unit which has another hilarious story that I will save for another time. There is usually a random assortment of bikes and desks and filing cabinets.  Good to peek in there every so often and see what's for sale, because, why not???

Last time I spotted the most random item -- and the price tag was striking. It made me think of my Dad, whose name is also Jim.  The questions must be asked:  what makes an old oil can "very nice"? Its two (rusty) screw caps? Its wooden handle? Why should I pay 20 bucks for it, and cash only???  I think Jim G would like to meet Jim B for a beer.

Hmmm...do you think there was a lottery for this one?

Back story desperately needed.  Veteran, check. American flag ribbon magnet, check. And, the obvious: wow! How many people who should have this plate do not?!?! Oh wait, I guess if you label yourself that, it kinda defeats the purpose. You need to be identified by a third party.

 In closing, I quote the movie Birdcage:  "Shouldn't you be holding the crucifix? It's THE prop for martyrs."

Like A G6, Like A G6

Ok, is this oddly reminiscent of an airplane restroom or what???

Whew, ok, now I can pee in peace...

Taking it to the next level, there's also a light on the outside "Restroom is occupied when light is on" but when it takes 3 signs and 2 wall buttons to open, lock, and close a bathroom door, we have issues.  This was sooooooo designed by an underutilized engineer.

PS prize to the first reader who can tell me where this restroom is...

Shine! Shimmer! Glimmer! (but not in that order)

The flairies are characters from Laney's favorite Barbie movie.  They're NOT fairies; fairies have wings. These are wingless.  Glimmer is on the left -- she's my favorite.  Love her pigtails. Shimmer is the purple one. Shine has the best shoes.  I didn't notice their shoes 'til they came out of the package on Christmas morning. From the standpoint of physics and function, they are impossible! They could not be walked in by a normal human, which is fine, because in the movie, the flairies fly (despite their winglessness).  Anyway, the shoes.  From a purely design standpoint:  AWESOME! And that's what makes Barbie world so perfect and magical.

Patio Furniture + Craigslist = Hilarious Shopping

I'm looking for some patio furniture on craigslist, which has brought me so much joy.

First ROFL:  I'm looking for patio furniture, not furniture that was left ON THE PATIO.  These are two very different things.

Second ROFL: it's WROUGHT iron, not ROT iron.  I really don't want to buy anything rotten on craigslist, or anywhere else...

Third ROFL: "Outdoor Swaing with built in awning" -- to remind you of that old country song, "We Was Swaingin!!!"

Fourth ROFL:

Let me summarize the ad for you:  "Hey, my dog chewed this up.  Do you want to pay me $30 to haul it away for me?!?!?" 
REALLY?!?! One word:  Goodwill!

I love craigslist!!!

Perhaps the Worst Use Ever of a Perfectly Good Giraffe...

Really, Signals Catalog?!?!  And just in time for Christmas...but!  How insulting to giraffes...and the humans who use toilet paper.  Signals, you are supposed to offer "gifts that inform, enlighten & entertain" but this is somehow patently wrong.  And what makes it worse is that it is difficult to quantify the wrongness of it.  Perhaps proportion? Juxtaposition?  It is undeniably tacky in design, but not material, and reminiscent of the stuff from what we used to call "The Tacky Catalog," the direct mail piece that we got back in the 80's.  Which closely approximated, but was not Lilian Vernon.

This post is dedicated to Laura (Jane).

Another WT Product...no, not White Trash..."What the?"

I'm just offended about the price point.  Sure, if you want people stepping on your initial before they come in the house, cool -- that's fine.  But FORTY BUCKS?!?!  Uh, no, that's ridiculous. I'm not paying $39.98 for my visitors to wipe their feet on my "G."  Hey, I have standards.  (Scoffing noise)...

Wow, now Julia Roberts is a face of Lancome!! This will date me, but I loved when they had Isabella Rossellini.  Personally, also not liking this look for Julia -- she looks pale and horsey in this shot. Julia! Girl!  Eat, pray, or love your way to better makeup if you keep this contract!

Also, someone quoted her as saying she doesn't do Botox because she wants her kids to know when she's mad.  Ok...no to Botox, yes YES YES to Photoshop.  Gotcha.

Finally, Lo wants to try this mascara badly!!! Anyone used this?  Comments?

Job Opportunity...Help Wanted

I can't decide if this is real or a joke.  This sentence is the kicker: "Our corporate clients expect the best so be prepared to cheer for the most mundane of corporate accomplishments."

Who wrote that?  Is this for real?  Who uses this service?!?  How much would they pay the umbrella girl?

I guess it's just another example of our "service-oriented" economy -- can't ship this job offshore...

Manscaping 2.0

A BACK shaver for MEN!  Yesssssssssssss!

I am loving that now men can be as inconvenienced as women about body hair.  Look at the telescoping wand.  Battery operated?  I don't know, but dude certainly needs a mirror to get everything off.  And how far down can that wand reach?!?  Not shown in this ad...

Superman recently got his inner ears AND nose waxed.  Ummm....wow, can you say painful?!?!?  But so, so clean...awesome -- I'm a fan...and the aesthetician -- a hilarious story, but I can't do it justice on LoSpace.

Potentially Crappy Situation

I have taken this medication before, at least 10 times over the past 15 years. I never received this warning before. They stuck it on the top where it can't be ignored -- hmmm, must be important.  But -- and this is a big BUT -- "weeks to months" later?!?!  How on earth can I possibly correlate October diarrhea with June meds?  Also, note the lack of specificity if the late effect diarrhea is as severe as the initial ...

MVD, Wake Up!

It's a little hard to make out in spite of judicious photo editing, but this license plate reads DUBL D.  Hmmm, what does that imply to you? Yeah, right, a couple named Donald and Dorothy.  Suuuuuuuuuuuuure. 

I thought the MVD was supposed to monitor these for content!  Maybe that job was eliminated somewhere in the last round of budget cuts.  This one is good, but not as funny as Kelly G's report of "KY LADY" -- regardless that she is probably from Kentucky, WHY would you want that on your license plate???

Now that you can just go online to order your plate, maybe the computer system just makes sure there's no (obvious) profanity.  My last vanity plate was ITSCUTE for a Chevy crew cab short bed truck. Because it WAS cute...then several years and vehicles later, I got a letter from the MVD saying another person requested ITSCUTE -- and I already had the unvanity-able energy plate for the hybrid, so now someone else's car is cute.

PS that's right, in AZ it's not DMV it's MVD (Motor Vehicle Department).

PPS saying "VIN number" is redundant.

Sit Down Because This IS Gonna Rock Your World...

Ok people I hope you're ready for nintendo's earth shaking innovation . . . the "all new Wii -- now available in BLACK"...you mean, black? Black is in .... black? Wow. Now the Wii comes in the same color as, um, every other electronic component. What will they think of next?!?!  Remember how Henry Ford said it in the 1920's? The Model T: "people can have it in any color, so long as it's black"...hey, Nintendo, to quote another product slogan "You've come a loooooooooooong way, baby!"  NOT.

How 'bout Dell's color innovation?!  Here's one I can get behind:

A nail polish colored laptop! Thanks Dell and OPI -- now that's some impressive color...who even cares about the processor speed when you can get Kyoto Pearl, La-PAZ-atively Hot, and I'm Not Really A Waitress???  OPI + Dell, LoSpace loves you...

Strange Stress Relief...

levitating lounge chair (from 25 most ridiculous stress relief products)

The Personal Rockin’ Computer umm... chair (?) gently swings back and forth while you dally on your laptop. Retails for US$4,082 from a Swedish web site -- and no, the beautiful woman is not included.

Can I get this cheaper at ikea?  I mean, it doesn't really fit with my decor but...I could try to work it in...oh wait, am I supposed to sit upright in it???  Oh, hmmmm....

Pass the 'bucks...

(found on the web somewhere...)
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?

Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really? Says who? Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?

Danny is mean, but funny...
I'm so glad I don't have to do the Starbucks courier service anymore since Keurig joined our office!!

Faux-hawk vs Mullet

I'm so so over faux-hawks. Aren't they "out" yet? For my part, they are right on par with the mullet. Except without the cool description "business up front, party in the back"...Lanes was in a wedding and both ringbearers were sporting the look. Really, is that what any bride wants in a wedding photo twenty years from now?  Meanwhile Laney's decked out in a satin gown with spaghetti straps and a white headband with flower side detail. Very classic...not sure what happened across the aisle there. People should ask me about things like this, really.

Photo above: my girl's face saying "Do I have to walk down the aisle with him?!?!"

I did find one ONE cool faux-hawk picture, but he started wearing them in 2005. It's 2010. Hey, 2005 called -- it wants its hair back. Yes -- let the faux-hawk go.

Hmmm...Next Time You're Tired and Thirsty

Outside Fry's Food ... thinking, I need a pick me up ... Coke -- no, Big K soda -- no, Monster -- UM YES where has this vending machine been all my life?!?!?  Then for convenience they should put another machine with smugglers of Stoli next to it.  I'm just sayin' ...

This Is Gonna Sound Crazy But...

(doorbell chimes)
Thinking it might be a neighbor I answer it ...the dude looks kind of like a skinny beardless version of Alan from The Hangover sans the satchel or manbag or whatever they call it in the movie (my initial impression: STONER!)...

Here's his sales pitch:
(laughing stonedly) "This is gonna sound crazy, but . . . uh, do you folks like good food?"
(me, considering all the possible answers, including "No, we only like bad food..." or "Good food, what is that?" or "No I'm anorexic so the worse it is, the better...") but settle on this gem:
"No thanks, I'm not interested."  Then I shut the door.

HA HA! He thought he had the foolproof opener because who DOESN'T like good food?  Whatever, Alan, you have MET YOUR MATCH -- welcome to the LoSpace Smackdown Comeback!!!

Then I watched out the window; undeterred, he went next door.

Are You Kidding? How Medieval!

I go to the doctor with a complaint of hoarseness and coughing -- which has been going on for weeks. Off and on since late January. He thinks allergies, gives me some trial oral meds, and recommends I try Neti Pot. Ok, (me nodding seriously) you want me pour water from this cheesy looking blue plastic Disney teapot into one nostril and let it run out the other?  What?!?!  That's my treatment plan?

He went to undergrad then med school plus residency to tell me this? That's the best western medicine has to offer?!? Ok, I have friends who swear by this, but it seems so...so 19th century.  Perhaps I could apply some leeches as well...However, following another week of sore throat I'm going to try it. At least could they manufacture one that somehow looks more high-tech, or medical grade?

*sigh* Heading for CVS now...