Thoughts and photos by Lois. It's supposed to be funny, or thought-provoking, or both.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Party Like It's Your Birthday!

So . . . I'm 41 today! Sum 41 and the lead line from the oldie song "Delta Dawn" are all that come to mind, but that's all good! After last year's Big 4-Ho . . . what can compare? So I am enjoying a day at home by the pool. With 30 spf of course. No new news and not many new wrinkles! So how great it is that?!
If the above were my solo album cover photo, here's the song titles (they would appear on the left in a fun scroll font...):
Nothing Compares 2 Botox
Let's See Lindsay Lohan at 40
Valedictorian Girl
Soft Candy
It Doesn't Suck ... It Melts the Years Away
I Want Your Saks Card
If Only I Could Get Through This Workout
Bendy Wendy, the Pilates Hottie
Building a Mystery Meal
Editor's note: always ALWAYS gratuitously only put flattering photos of yourself on your blog, and your fantasy solo album cover, not the one from graduation where you look like a total beast standing next to your sister making the Total Beast face!! While she looks cute and normal ...

Friday, June 06, 2008

Iron(y)man Treadmill

So, I decided to buy a new treadmill. Being a cheapskate at heart, I turned to the best source of deals: craigslist. All hail Craig (who actually exists -- I saw him on The Daily Show).

So I start looking at the treadmills under sporting goods. Because I guess exercise is a sport? Whatever. Anyway, the ad postings for used treadmills are, as you might expect, hilarious.

One read something like: "Treadmill for sale. Like new -- perfect condition -- mint condition!" As if the person couldn't stress enough exactly how little it had been used. So I look for awhile, and stumble onto the above gem -- the Ironman Envision -- it's pretty high end, they're selling it on now. So I check it out, it is completely new, pretty much just been stored and sold. I do end up buying it and the seller even delivers it to me -- sweet!
The downside of new (to me) treadmill becomes apparent once it's in my home. The thing positively reeks of cigarette smoke. Viewed under black light I think you might actually seen a green fog around it. So -- the irony -- a treadmill that smells like smoke. Yes, it's like new, because the original owner just sat, looking at it, and smoking 17 cartons of cigs.
If you can get past the stench, the thing works great! It has a little TV screen (presumably to watch TV while you're smoking?), I-pod hookup, fan, cup holders -- the works! So I get busy. It's just stink, right? I start wiping it down with Clorox wipes and spraying the non-electronic parts with Febreze. It becomes clear that the stink is really in the belt -- so I Febreze that every time I walk by.
Day 5: Febreze seems to be doing the trick. Now I can actually enter the 3 foot odor zone without feeling like I've run into a bar at 3am (before Arizona's non-smoking laws came into effect). All hail Febreze. Next step: actually use the thing, so I don't have to post it on craigslist, still in minty fresh (and Febrezed) condition.